Thursday, January 5, 2012

Two Posts in One Day....and neither one about food. Sorry.

Hopefully I'll contribute something useful to this site one day, but until that day my Oops! compatriots will have to forgive me as I use this blog to write absurd posts, like this:

While writing my last post, my first sentences addressed the Twilight series. Now, I haven’t read all the books, but I did have the (un)fortunate experience of being in the middle of nowhere (read: Idaho forest), and being fresh out of books. The only new book around was an associate’s copy of Twilight. Later that year, my teen sister had all the other ones, so I did what any sensible person would do: I skipped straight to the fourth book and skimmed through it. So I do know the beginning and end to this story, and if I had to guess, I probably didn’t miss much in the “middle”.

However, since we at Oops! find kicks as dedicated researchers of the vampire-teen phenomenon, I have been exposed to the movies. Our dedication went so far, we decided to PAY to gawk in horror for two hours at Breaking Dawn: Part I, where a half-vampire baby rips itself out of a womb and necrophilia officially became the way to a richer, superpower-filled life (beatings by husband are a bonus!).

As I pondered about this series and how I could break into the teen fantasy market, I slowly came to the realization that my academic career and the Twilight series are more intertwined than I initially believed. The first year of law school, admittedly almost as gross as the Breaking Dawn movie, would actually make excellent preparation for life as a vampire. Not only have I been trained to read complex, dull documents, but I have acquired the skills needed to survive in a vampire society. Do I sound crazy? Just read through this first year subject list and tell me what YOU think….

(1.) Civil Procedure: This is the subject that will make or break you as a trial lawyer. And you’re going to need a lot of skills when you stand trial against the Volturi, those conniving rulers and judges of vampire action. I can guarantee you’ll wow the court when you move for a 12(b)(6) motion to dismiss for lack of personal jurisdiction!

(2.) Contracts: We may not all be the lucky recipients of extravagant gifts from our vampire boyfriends, but a good contract will protect you through tough times. Any law student knows that CONSIDERATION is required to create a binding contract, so here’s an excellent application of this:
“I hereby give up my soul in CONSIDERATION for an eternity of sparkling wedding bliss.”

Without this consideration, the contract isn’t even a contract, it’s just a promise! Your vampire bf-turned-hubby could very well get tired of you and, after a few centuries, try to rip off your head and burn you up in an attempt to get rid of you. With this contract, you GUARANTEE he’ll at least think twice before doing so.

(3.) Criminal Law: You may be dealing with the undead, but don’t let that stop you from pursuing charges! American vampires are still subject to American laws, and attempted murder, actual murder, necrophilia, and assault are all somewhere in the model criminal code. These glitterific criminals will certainly sparkle less when their conniving minds are in prison. Maximum-security, vampire-proof prison…

(4.) Constitutional Law: Read: A right to have a vampire as your love partner. Also a right to have your half-vampire baby. I would mention “commerce clause”, but that’s about boring stuff that lets Congress do whatever it wants, like try to regulate marijuana.

(5.) Torts: Just got into a sticky situation because you can’t do anything without being watched over by a supernatural boy? Sue said supernatural boy for negligence and watch the cash cascade in!

(6.) Property: Needed to determine whose territory is whose when land disputes arise between the natives (werewolves, but not really?) and your vampire family. Make sure to file your land certificates!

(7.) Legal research and writing: Useless. You need to be a vampire, not some brief-writing sissy!

That's all for now folks. HAPPY NEW YEAR!


Well folks,
I rarely write on this blog, since I am (a) busy being a law student and (b) not a vegan cook. However, I do post at least once a year, and I think that there's a topic we can all agree on: the ideological and physiological allure of the Twilight series.

Just kidding. Maybe next post? Actually, I wanted to talk about something near and dear to my heart as well as yours: animals!!! In particular, rescue organizations for cast-aside pets. I am proud to have adopted my dog from a rescue organization, but there's a lot of kitties, birds, heck even hamsters out there needing a home. However, there are some pros and cons to adopting a pet, same as if you were buying your furry friend. Although I'm sure our readers possess the mental faculties to figure this stuff out on their own, I'm still going to give you my personal list:

Let's start with the cons:
(1.) Pets are expensive. Even if you don't shell out the bucks for that purebred, food costs. Vet bills cost quite a bit. Especially if they get into something that they aren't supposed to.

There's the added problem that maybe the dogs need extra health care that the rescue organization couldn't afford to provide. I remember getting my dog and realizing that if I didn't act fast, his teeth were going to start falling out in the next few years. When I got the bill for the teeth cleaning, I nearly keeled over.

The good news is that many of the rescue organizations have relationships with vets that could give a discount. Make sure to ask.

(2.) PETS NEED YOUR TIME. All money aside, a rescued dog may have to deal with emotional issues like abandonment or abuse. They may need your support, and to do that, you're going to have to be there for them. I'm lucky to live at my parents' house right now, where I have three extra people to help look after the dog if I have to leave. My dog's breed (Pomeranian) is renowned for its bonding to humans, and I know that whenever I move out he'll need the extra stimuli of someone coming over in the middle of the day when I'm working. I'm willing to let that happen, just as I'm willing to take him on walks when it's freezing outside or take playbreaks with him - because a good petowner knows the dog needs bonding time!

(3.) Housetraining issues. Many of these rescue pets (mostly dogs, but sometimes cats I've heard) may have come from situations where they were never housebroken. And may never totally be. This is a pretty big deal if you can't handle it. So talk to some experts - vets, dog trainers - and be prepared for messes. Hopefully, you can train the dog out of it, but some may never totally be able to control themselves, due to their physiology or some emotional distress that happened to them.

OK, onto the PROS:

(1.) FRIEND FOR LIFE! At least sometimes. You may have a finicky cat or dog, or they're really shy. But with the right amount of work, you should be able to revel in being their best friend. Or at least cherish a bond with the animal. My dog helped me rebound out of a bad time, and I'm very thankful to have him.

(2.) Opening extra spaces at the rescue for new animals! Rescues can often only hold oh-so-many animals, due to the limited number of extraordinary people who will foster these poor souls. So an extra spot could mean life or death to those animals that are waiting to be picked up out of high-kill shelters and into a rescue organization.

In closing, please note that there's a lot of ways to support animals even if you can't afford the time or money to adopting a friend. You can often ask vets for lists of rescue organizations around, or just google it. You can make a donation to local rescue organizations who really need the support, as well as volunteering to help out. If you come across old dog or cat toys, beds, etc. that aren't being used anymore, you could pass these on to those organizations as well. Here's hoping for a happy new year to all of our animal friends!!!!!!