Sunday, August 14, 2011

I have many dishes to do. Shit.

I'm fucking out of control today. Out of my thrice-damned mind. Baking. Baking. Baking.

Tomorrow is the LOTR Extended Edition "Marathon" part 2. Part one was interrupted by a power outage, hence why the marathon is no longer a marathon, but a two part series. A half marathon. Do I get a t-shirt and a half-sized medal ("Hey, you did it! But only half of what everyone else did. The size of your medal shall serve as a reminder, you milksop").  Such all-day adventures require all-day snacks. Last time it was cookies. This time it will be more cookies. And some healthy banana bread. But back to the cookies because they aren't healthy and are therefore superior.
Eat me.

1 cup Earth Balance (Tub kind)
1 1/4 cup vegan cane sugar
2 tbsp ground flax mixed with 6 tbsp water
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
Small pinch of salt
2 tsp baking powder
A lot of chocolate chips
Coarse sea salt

Preheat oven to 350.

Combine EB with sugar, and whip together with an electric mixer. I'm not saying to just "mix." I mean beat the shit out of it. I'm telling you, as a person that usually mixes everything by hand, to use an electric mixer. I let it run for quite a few minutes, until things were looking as white and fluffy as cartoon clouds. This is capital. Meanwhile, put together that flax/water combo and let it congeal. By the time your EB/sugar whitecap has formed, it'll be ready to go. Throw in the flax mixture and let it stir in. It's simple from here. Mix in the cocoa powder. Mix in the flour. Then the salt. Then the baking powder. Then the chips. Yes, I did all of these separately and not in one dry ingredient dump. On cookie sheets protected by silicon baking sheets or cooking spray, spoon out heaping tablespoons of the dough. I mean heaping. When you look upon these delightful mountains of goop, I want you to feel your already ample ass broadening three inches in diameter. Finally, sprinkle the cookies with coarse sea salt. Bake for about 18 minutes. Cool. Eat. Read Alpine Urbanist.

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