I have many dishes to do. Shit.

I'm fucking out of control today. Out of my thrice-damned mind. Baking. Baking. Baking.

Tomorrow is the LOTR Extended Edition "Marathon" part 2. Part one was interrupted by a power outage, hence why the marathon is no longer a marathon, but a two part series. A half marathon. Do I get a t-shirt and a half-sized medal ("Hey, you did it! But only half of what everyone else did. The size of your medal shall serve as a reminder, you milksop").  Such all-day adventures require all-day snacks. Last time it was cookies. This time it will be more cookies. And some healthy banana bread. But back to the cookies because they aren't healthy and are therefore superior.

Eat me.

INGREEDZ:
1 cup Earth Balance (Tub kind)
1 1/4 cup vegan cane sugar
2 tbsp ground flax mixed with 6 tbsp water
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
Small pinch of salt
2 tsp baking powder
A lot of chocolate chips
Coarse sea salt

DO THIS:
Preheat oven to 350.

Combine EB with sugar, and whip together with an electric mixer. I'm not saying to just "mix." I mean beat the shit out of it. I'm telling you, as a person that usually mixes everything by hand, to use an electric mixer. I let it run for quite a few minutes, until things were looking as white and fluffy as cartoon clouds. This is capital. Meanwhile, put together that flax/water combo and let it congeal. By the time your EB/sugar whitecap has formed, it'll be ready to go. Throw in the flax mixture and let it stir in. It's simple from here. Mix in the cocoa powder. Mix in the flour. Then the salt. Then the baking powder. Then the chips. Yes, I did all of these separately and not in one dry ingredient dump. On cookie sheets protected by silicon baking sheets or cooking spray, spoon out heaping tablespoons of the dough. I mean heaping. When you look upon these delightful mountains of goop, I want you to feel your already ample ass broadening three inches in diameter. Finally, sprinkle the cookies with coarse sea salt. Bake for about 18 minutes. Cool. Eat. Read Alpine Urbanist.

My dog ate the foot off a tiger.

I made some god damn pancakes.

These didn't turn out quite as awesome as the first time I made them. The batter was very thick the first time, and the swirls were impeccable. Highly visible. They were also so rich I had a belly ache for a full 24 hours. In a good way. This time around, you can't really see the swirls, and I feel full but not gloriously ill with happiness. Nonetheless, these tasted good. I will post the recipe, but look for improvements in the future when I try to replicate the first batch.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Swirl Pancakes and visa versa

INGREEDZ:

PB batter-

3 tbsp creamy peanut butter (I used Jiff Naturals)

2 tbsp maple syrup

1 tbsp oil

1 tsp vanilla

3/4 cup flour

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup milk alternative

Chocolate batter-

3/4 cup flour

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 tbsp cocoa powder

3/4 cup milk alternative

1 tsp vanilla

2 tbsp maple syrup

2 tbsp oil

DO THIS:

In a very small bowl, mix the peanut butter, maple syrup, oil, and vanilla. In two separate medium bowls, mix the dry ingredients for the two separate batters. To the sans cocoa dry ingredients, add the milk alternative and the PB mixture. Stir until just combined, with clumps still visible. In the cocoa bowl, add the milk alternative, vanilla, maple syrup and oil. Mix until just combined, and clumps are visible. In a cast iron skillet, melt down some Earth Balance. Drop 1/4 cup of one of the batters. Take a spoon and create a spiral with the other batter. Alternate so that you have chocolate pancakes with peanut butter swirls and peanut butter pancakes with chocolate swirls.

Pancakes.

Also, observe the latest blog cooperative I started: alpineurbanist.blogspot.com.

Buttcheek fiesta

!?!?!?

Is this some vain attempt to give the blog life again?

WHO THE FUCK KNOWS! I'm not making any promises. All I know is that I made cookies, they are the bee's knees and the world needs to know about them.

Fact: The Oxford Comma has been annihilated. I am upset about it, but am acting accordingly.

Fact: I have been meaning to blog. I enjoy writing, and my outlets are few and far between.

Fact: You can no longer find newer work by me on Alpinist, but you can continue to find it on verticalgirl.com. Also, anyone who is a climber (female), would like to try a hand writing about it and isn't afraid of exposing their work to the world should throw something together and send it to jenny@verticalgirl.com. It may just make it on the website!

Fact: Although this blog hasn't seen new material since April, it's not because I haven't been eating.

Observe.

Cherry swirl pancakes with crumble topping

Cashew Tofu from VeganDad

Last night was the first day this week I've cooked. I've been in the lovely Leelanau, eating out every night. Dinner was stuffed bell peppers with a baguette on the side, courtesy of Bay Bread Co. I desperately wanted cookies afterwards, but watched a movie instead.

Beau's plate, arranged as a smiley face.

So, I made cookies early this morning. Why not? Honey badger don't give a shit.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies (Better with dried cherries)

Ingreedz:

2 cups + 2 tbsp all purpose flour

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

1 1/2 tbsp ground flax, mixed with 4 tbsp water

3/4 cup (tub) Earth Balance

1 cup light brown sugar

2 tsp vanilla

1 1/2 cups chocolate chips (or a mix of chocolate chips and dried cherries)

Do THIS:

Pre-heat oven to 325. Melt the Earth Balance in the microwave (note, I used tub EB, not stick). Meanwhile, mix the flax and water and allow to congeal. In a small bowl, mix the flour, salt, baking soda and baking powder. Afterwards, in a larger bowl, mix the melted EB, brown sugar, vanilla and flax mixture. Once well-combined, add the flour mixture in spurts. Once everything is well mixed, stir in the chocolate chips (and/or cherries). Drop dough balls about a quarter cup in size onto parchment covered cookie sheets (unless you're a real badass and have silicon baking sheets like me). Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until brown.

Consume as many as possible while they are warm, preferably with a tall, bourgeois glass of your favorite milk alternative.

WHY AM I NOT STILL HERE?

Good Idea Monday: Southern Comfort.

I GOT TO BUY GROCERIES.

My EBT card re-upped. It's been weeks since I last went grocery shoppin'. Hence the no cooking thing.

I started this post a week ago. I had two AMAZING recipes to share. In the time it took me to finish this post, I forgot how I made them. I'm angry, because now I can't duplicate them. We all suffer for my foolishness. I mean, LOOK AT THIS SHIT. Unforgivable.

As usual around these parts, updates to the blog after a hiatus come following a trip to Northern Michigan. I arrived home yesterday from a whirlwind vacation to Marquette and Traverse City. Marquette was for "business," and TC was for fun. I was supposed to interview climbing legend Fred Beckey for Alpinist following a presentation he gave at Northern Michigan University. That didn't really happen due to several reasons, none of which matter now. It was cold and windy. However, the two hours that it was sunny and moderately warm coincided perfectly with our finally finding the slab wall we were anxious to get trad with. We had chosen the location because it was easy for a bum shoulder, and because it was CLOSE. But then it took us hours to find it. Irony.

This was my first time climbing in the UP. I hope it won't be my only chance.

Traverse City was windy on one day (knocking out power at our hotel), and rainy the next. This didn't stop me from indulging in yet another hat, nor did it ruin a beautiful hike on the extensive trail network behind the Traverse City Commons. Brilliant! Wine was enjoyed at Left Foot Charlie, and beer at Right Brain Brewery. Meals were cooked and eaten in parking lots and on sidewalks. Pseudo-hoboism.

I'd like to say that some cooking will be happening in the near future here, but I'm leaving for Seattle on a reconnaissance mission this Thursday. No cooking is likely. I'm sure I'll have plenty of exciting things to report. Maybe I'll find some tasty vegan eats out there to talk about. Today isn't even my turn for Good Idea Monday at work.

Sorry for the hiatus!

When things get tough around the Oops, It's Vegan! office, we have a saying:

BAMFI.



You know you're in a rut when your breakfast is thai food carry-out over cooked oats. It's actually really good.

We will return to our regularly scheduled programming soon. PROMISE

Ender's Dreams.

Last night I had a dream I went to Battle School with my siblings. It was a pretty awesome dream. I smote another kid, just like Ender when he was being bullied. Then everyone respected me. I don't remember, but I likely became a battalion leader. I wish I had Ender's Game dreams more often.

Interpretation, anyone?

Today I had some bananas that really needed to be used. I wanted banana bread, but not plain banana bread. For me, the idea of a peanut butter quickbread is always great in theory, but not as inspiring in reality. They have such a strange density. I worked around this, though, and the results were perfect.

Banana Bread with Peanut Butter Surprise!

INGREEDZ:

2 medium bananas, mashed

1 tbsp ground flax

3 tbsp water

1 tbsp vanilla

1/2 cup oil

1/2 cup soy milk

1/2 cup vegan sugar

1 1/2 cups flour

3/4 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

3/4 tsp cinnamon

For the surprise:

1/4 cup peanut butter

1 tbsp coconut flour

3 tbsp soy milk

DO THIS:

Pre-heat the oven to 350. In a small vessel, mix the ground flax with the water, and let it sit for a minute or two. Meanwhile, mash your bananas in a large bowl. Add the flax mixture, oil, milk, vanilla and sugar. In a smaller bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Add to the wet ingredients, and mix well.

In a small bowl, mix the ingredients for the surprise. In a greased bread pan, pour in half of the bread mixture. Drop in glops of the surprise, and swirl them around a bit with a fork. Or your finger. I don't care. Pour the remaining batter over the top, covering all of the surprise. You want to make sure that those you feed it to DON'T KNOW. It's a SECRET. Even if it's just you eating it. Forget what you've done, come back in an hour. FEEL THE JOY OF A SURPRISE.

Anyways, bake for about an hour or until a toothpick/fork/sword comes out batter-free. Allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing. Cool completely on a rack. Enjoy.

I had mine for lunch in this fashion:

Layer of peanut maple sauce (tablespoon or so of peanut flour, drizzle of maple syrup, and a tablespoon of soy milk mixed together)

Layer of coconut milk yogurt

Layer of banana bread

Repeat.

For dinner last night, I whipped up some caramelized onions, kale, and dill socca. The socca was easy. Just 1 1/4 cups garbanzo bean flour, a little salt, 1 cup water, 1 tbsp apple sauce, salt, pepper and dried dill. I wish I'd had fresh dill, but we can't have everything that we want. I'll be taking the socca to work for dinner tonight.

Enter the give-away. May-Tank wants you to.

Seek Sandworms and Spice in the Mojave.

This is what I had for lunch one day this week:

A strawberry/blueberry/almond/chocolate chip smoothie. It was yum. Pretty simple. Threw my frozen Michigan berries, a little soymilk, some homemade cinnamon almond butter and chocolate chips into the food processor and WHAM. Lunch.

I'm reporting from the burbs of Detroit. I have one golden retriever lined up with the outside of my right leg, and another lying nearby on the floor.

I would like to use this post as a DOUBLE REMINDER TO EVERYONE.

REMINDER 1: ENTER OUR GOD DAMN GIVE-AWAY. It's so easy. Stop being lazy. You've probably never won anything in your life. Not even tick-tack-toe. Try now.

REMINDER 2: Tomorrow is Pi Day. Celebrate the number. Eat pie.

And read some of my other stuff. http://www.alpinist.com/doc/web11w/newswire-jordan-garlick-george